My beautiful baby
All beauty is fragile
Inside of me is a totally different world
I'm sitting here in total silence. Not even the sound of my tears dripping down my cheeks. The only thing you can hear is my breathing, the small sound she does from time to time and the music coming out from your headphones. Inside me I'm screaming. The loudest i can. I scream and scream and scream of panic. Like a pig getting tortured. In my head my tears falls like the Niagra Falls, except they are not in Canada. My heart is punding, faster and faster. It's like it hurts more and more for every second that goes by because each second is one second closer to my world falling apart. Our world.
How am i suppost to breath when i know my world is going to crash? I do it for her. Every breath i take is for her. My love. My biggest love. WIthout her my lungs would just give up.
"I don't take things slow. I close my eyes and jump."
Sadly, at one point you are going to hit the ground.
Love is what makes you happy
I get happy when i buy shoes. I also get happy when i see balloons. But i get even more happy when i look at you. Why do you think i have over hundred pairs of shoes? Because i didn't have you. I had to travel around the world to find you. I had to be without you and long for you so my heart almost bursted. But it was all worth it as soon as i looked at you again. When your eyes met mine. When your smile touched my face. When your words touched my soul.
Love has more inpact on your life then you can ever imagine it to. As soon as you let love in you are trapped, no matter if that is what you want or not. It doesn't matter how far you run away. It doesn't matter how much you try and blindfold yourself. There will always be peepholes. The love is always gonna force itself through the darkness, like the sun can tan you even in the shadow. The longer you ignore that fact the more it's going to hurt when you realize.
In the end, no matter how hurt i get from it, love is what makes me happy. It is not a hundred pair of shoes, it is not balloons. It's love. It's not to travel itself that is the loving part about travelling, it's the people you meet on your way while doing it. Just like it's not just love that makes me happy, it's you loving me that does.
Min lilla prinsessa
Fotograf och modell: Jenny Högblad
Don't let history repeat itself
Sometimes you just have to walk away. To move on. To ignore the fact that life is not what you imagined it to be. There is so much darkness and evil in this world to care about it all. But if you dont care at all you loose yourself and everything around you. When you choose to ignore instead of moving on, that is when you loose it all. As always you have to find the perfect balance.
I've always hated history. And history always keeps repeating itself. I've always been a rebel. I care what other people think, but i still always choose my own path. I like to try new ways to walk in life and hardly ever get trapped in a pattern. I have never been able to just explain what a regular day in my life looks like, cause i have no idea. No day is the same. But guess what? Even i have caught up to reality, but it just makes me feel trapped, not safe like for most people.
Sometimes i wonder if my history, my messy past, maybe is a good thing. I would never want anyone to go through most things i've been through. But still it made me stronger. To be honest it also made me weaker, more insecure. But with experience you can try and change the world. You can pass it on to other people and teach them. You can always try and stop history from repeating itself. Why else would they teach history in school? Some pieces of it will always come through this upside-down-world. But for history to actually mean something and be a good thing, you have to first accept it and move on, and not getting trapped in denial.
A bigger view
Auckland, Nya Zeeland
Fotograf: Jenny Högblad
This is my reality
It's strange how life plays you sometimes. You can be so happy that you bubble and can't stop smiling, but at the same time you can have such a big hole in your stomach that's eating you up alive. It's a fight inside me everyday. Who or what that will win depends on what i want and what i'm willing to fight for, but how do you know if its' worth it in the end? If you don't take a chance you will never ever win. Life is cruel like that, so is love. Thus carma is a bitch. But i don't think you would appreciate life otherwise.
They say that a picture say more than hundred words. But eyes say even more. You can see a whole story in someones eyes. It doesn't really matter if the story is true or not, because you make up your own reality. I forget about that sometimes. It's so easy to see all the bad stuff in this world, but if you keep on focusing on the good things, the world will be a better place. At least in your head. And who are the one to tell you what reality is?
Don't care so much about science. Experience will win anyway. Make up your own life. Make your own happiness. Happiness will spread like a scent in the wind. You just have to keep on smiling. Things are only sad if you let them be. And if you think you have to wait for happiness, then you will.
Seeing a child starve is heartbrokening, but give it food and that will be one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen. And that's why the hardest love is also the strongest and the most beautiful one. You can turn something bad into something good, you just have to find the strenght to actually do it. You make up your own reality. One person can change the world, because it's your head that make your world so you are the one and only to rule it.
Even though i love life just now, i will always be broken. I will always have deep scars and a hole inside me, and that's not fair. It won't matter how big my smile is or how much i will love life, i will always not wanna live like this. But it's not up to me. I won't ever infect everyone around me with that, i rather smile and open the window. Because how hard my life ever will be, i will always fight for the small beautiful things in life. I will always fight for beauty and all kinds of love. The harder i will fight for love, the more i will win in the end. Or actually on my way there. At least in my reality. I rather regret me trying to hard and giving my whole life for something as wonderful as you then regretting i never tried the hardest i could. If love isn't the right tool to fight for life, then nothing is.
That's my reality.
A wonderful morning walk in Sydney
Fotograf: Jenny Högblad
Sometimes the grass acutally is greener on the other side.
Fotograf: Jenny Högblad
Bild från Popeye´s village på Malta! :)
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